Save Me

Amie Mann sings in her song Save Me a couple of lines that have haunted me. She sings, But can you save me-Come on and save me-If you could save me. Sometimes I feel that I am in much need of saving. But saving from what? Who would do this saving? I have no idea what Amie Mann was writing about, but I know that I feel like I need to save myself. But easier than it sounds, right? Do people feel as lost as I do sometimes? As the night comes on I feel an overwhelming sense of hopelessness sometimes. The fear and panic that strikes me is no greater than at night, when things become quiet and the world slows down. Yet my mind never does. Instead it goes into a sort of hyper speed of thoughts. I cannot seem to concentrate anymore. Yes, I can feel it coming. I am in desperate need of medication again. More specifically, lithium. I need to Save myself but returning to my greatness need and nemesis. I hate to admit it to myself. For the last couple of years I have just been taking an antidepressant, although not regularly enough. Now, I think I am needing to call out the big dogs of psychiatric medication. Then the pain and hopelessness can be abated yet again. As well as the dreams and creativity that comes with the negative. Yet unlike most bipolars I have yet to harness all those good creative thoughts. For that I am sad. So yet again I am talking myself out of saving myself. Ironic that I am my own worst enemy. Many struggle with food, drugs or alcohol. I struggle with myself.