Hopelessly lost on Lost

Yet again, Henry has brought another TV show for us to watch that has been on for the last several years. So now we are entrenched in the first 4 seasons of Lost. I have to say that I really like the show, even though I really have no understanding what really is going on. If you have not seen the show it is really about this plane that crashes on this freaky island and how the survivors deal with the local hostiles and find a way to get back home. Should be simple enough of a plot, right? Well throw in miraculous healing, bizarre locals, love triangles and time travel and various weird happenings.

Ode to a pickle

This is sort of silly, so humor me. I was having a discussion with friends a week or so ago. As usual the topic turned to food. I have this unholy love for things that are pickled. Especially pickles. Sweet, sour, kosher or bread and butter; it does not matter. They are all wonderful. I base all that I know on life on a few important facts.

• The Fifth Element is one of the best movies, ever.
• The temperature should never be colder than 50 degrees. I would really like 70 degree weather year round, actually. I can't wrap my mind around those who love the torment of cold extremities.
• Reality television (and almost all other television shows, except the Simpsons and 30 Rock, is the devils spawn.
• you can never trust a person that does not like pickles. I just cannot understand the hate for something so wonderful.

I live my life by these principles and never deviate from them. There are more things that make my love/hate lists, but these are my tops. I told you that they were silly. You can laugh I won't be offended.

Two Girls Lost

I suppose you may be wondering why this blog is called two girls lost. It is named for the two girl children that I have lost through stillbirth or miscarriage. Not very original, right? Well, I never claimed to be full of creative or wonderfully inspirational ideas, did I? I suppose those two events have changed my life in more ways that I can count. I wish, ashamedly, that I was the person before the loss of my daughters. Sometimes I wish that they had never come to me. The hurts of those events has left me raw. Well, there are many things that have done that, but those are the most recent. My marriage, my illness and other family events that have left me raw and hallow inside. I go thorough the motions of life, I have become numb now.

Save Me

Amie Mann sings in her song Save Me a couple of lines that have haunted me. She sings, But can you save me-Come on and save me-If you could save me. Sometimes I feel that I am in much need of saving. But saving from what? Who would do this saving? I have no idea what Amie Mann was writing about, but I know that I feel like I need to save myself. But easier than it sounds, right? Do people feel as lost as I do sometimes? As the night comes on I feel an overwhelming sense of hopelessness sometimes. The fear and panic that strikes me is no greater than at night, when things become quiet and the world slows down. Yet my mind never does. Instead it goes into a sort of hyper speed of thoughts. I cannot seem to concentrate anymore. Yes, I can feel it coming. I am in desperate need of medication again. More specifically, lithium. I need to Save myself but returning to my greatness need and nemesis. I hate to admit it to myself. For the last couple of years I have just been taking an antidepressant, although not regularly enough. Now, I think I am needing to call out the big dogs of psychiatric medication. Then the pain and hopelessness can be abated yet again. As well as the dreams and creativity that comes with the negative. Yet unlike most bipolars I have yet to harness all those good creative thoughts. For that I am sad. So yet again I am talking myself out of saving myself. Ironic that I am my own worst enemy. Many struggle with food, drugs or alcohol. I struggle with myself.